Thoughts
by Griselda Banks
Summary: A collection of oneshots. Basically, the thoughts of the main characters at the end, so there's spoilers quite obviously.
1. Auron Thoughts

**Author's Note: Okay, this is basically a collection of the thoughts that go through each character's head at the end of the game. Don't worry if you don't understand some parts; thoughts can be confusing sometimes, right? I'm not really seeing this as much of a creative accomplishment, and hardly even a real fic, so go ahead and flame or say whatever you like. Oh, and the reason Tidus isn't in this list is because I'm stuck in his head all day writing my novelisation, and after a while that gets tiring, wouldn't you say? So, enjoy...or not, whichever you'd rather XP**

**Auron**

He's gone. Jecht's gone. Braska is gone. A flurry of pyreflies, and…is it now my turn? Ah, how long I've wandered this world, much too long, worn out my welcome, overspent my stay, far longer than anyone else in history. The call of the Farplane…it calls, it calls…. A beautiful song, a dreamy sound. Sickening yet lovely, like perfume or flowers. I've never liked flowers, but the Farplane is rife with them, and I don't think I really mind all that much. I can hear it, the song of pyreflies, like a chorus of butterflies only the deaf ears of the dead can hear.

The dance. The beautiful dance. I hate it, I love it. Yuna has always looked so beautiful when she dances, staff forward, sleeves swooping back, her hair rippling and the flower clasp on the yellow ribbon clinking like a tiny bell. Like a flower fairy. Each time is more beautiful, more painful, than before. Her smooth movements so calm, so assuring; it's all I can do to keep my pyreflies in. But do I have to anymore? It's the end, isn't it? My time to go to the home that's calling to me? Ooops. There goes a pyrefly; they'll know I'm dead now, but I don't want to meet their gazes. Only Kimahri and Tidus knew before now.

Sure enough, Yuna falters, confusion filling her strange eyes. They're like a cat's, one blue and one green. "Don't stop." It's my time, can't you see? I realize the living think death is horrible, hateful; they want to forestall it as much as possible. But when it truly is your time, death seems sweet, does it not? Ah, but they will not understand until death is upon them.

"But I…" See?

Sigh. They'll never be able to let an old, _weary_ man die in peace. But that's the way they are. That's how I was to Braska and Jecht. But still… "It's all right. I have lingered here long enough."

Sniffles, dismayed looks crowding in though they stand rooted to the spot. Oh. Do they all care for me that much? Just look at their stricken faces…. Hmm. I never realized. They _care_ for me. They'd gladly save my life, sacrifice their own if necessary, like that one time in the Calm Lands…. Never mind no fiend can hurt me; the motive is the same. I remember the look on Tidus's face, and how Yuna spent all her strength attempting to heal me. They laugh at me sometimes, especially Rikku and Tidus, but wasn't it those two who said, _'That's what friends are for!'_?

Hmm. Friends. I have friends among the living once more. If they truly are my friends, feel the way I feel for Braska and Jecht, then…I am in possession of a treasure no Lord Maester could ever boast of.

When did my feet start to move? No matter. I must take one last look on these my friends, for most of them will most likely stay in this world for at least seven more decades.

Wakka, that stubborn blockhead, mind so far buried under Yevon's teachings he nearly suffocated when he discovered it was all poison. And maybe…now that we have rid our hearts of this false god Yu Yevon…. Maybe we will eventually find the true God. Wakka's devotion is not bad; anyone can see he is staunch. Put him on the right track and he will never swerve. He makes a good guardian, though his choice of weapon and hairstyle are perhaps not the best in my book. He's the kind that might make a good leader someday. Humble, encouraging, and as I said before, devoted.

But my time is slowly ticking away; I must move on. There's Kimahri, good old Kimahri, the best keeper of secrets in all of Spira. He, truly, is the one who made all of this possible, taking Yuna under his protection while I went instead to Zanarkand, to keep my promise. Kimahri is strong, but still has a soft heart and sympathy for the small of heart. He will console Yuna, quite effectively, when we leave. A wise man…er, Ronso…indeed. I esteem him nearly as highly as Lord Braska himself.

Oh, and there's Lulu, that strange mix of cool indifference and ire, mixed as easily as she mixes her ice and fire spells. I sometimes wonder what goes on behind those dark eyes, to make certain phrases pop out from her purple-colored lips. A contrast in every way, that is for sure. Still she understands Yuna better than any of us, and as a surrogate sister, can comfort her at times when all our words and actions are futile.

And of course…Rikku. A more cheerfully obnoxious teenager I have never met, with the obvious exclusion of Tidus. Yet their…obnoxiousness…differs greatly in kind. While Tidus uses it mainly as a means to gain attention and showcase his idiocy, I believe that Rikku does it simply because…that's Rikku. Heh. Even I must admit that, in a way, that is what makes her so loveable. I agree with what I heard Tidus mumble once: a puppy. I guess now I…

Gulp. Tidus. A jumble of emotions, both happy and sad, and filled with memories of all kinds. Every time I look at him, I am instantly reminded of Jecht. If there ever was a father's son, it'd be Tidus. And that look…well, if it wasn't that I'm leaving, he'd surely kill me. And no wonder, either. I hardly ever act…well…nice to him. I can't. It's like a wall between my face and my heart.

I feel as though I should say something to console him, or at least say goodbye…for a short time. Let him know that I…but what's this? He's a step ahead of me; his mouth is already open. Guess I'd better brace myself for the telling-off of a lifetime.

"Auron…" What! He's…he's hugging me! Why? What? What do I do? Okay, keep calm. Just…hug him back. It's not that bad. No…it's good. It's great! I've almost wanted to do this anyway for some time. Wait a minute. What's he mumbling? "Thank you, thank you…"

Why's he thanking me? I should be falling at his feet and begging forgiveness for being so heartless, tormenting him at every turn! He's crying, of course. Like Jecht always…Uh-oh. Now _I'm_ crying. I…haven't cried since Braska died in my arms. It feels almost nice to be doing so again, to feel warm wetness pouring down my cheeks and dropping off my chin onto Tidus's golden mass of hair.

Sniff. Tidus looks up in surprise; he's never seen me cry. He is still so much like a child, with those innocent-looking, wide blue eyes, red and swollen from his tears. I can't even keep back a little smile. "Watching your story play out has been the greatest honor and joy of all." Even more than being Lord Braska's guardian.  
"You always _were_ such a stiff, but that's what I liked about you, Auron." Start. Jecht said exactly the same thing to me, right before he disappeared through that door in Zanarkand.  
"I am very proud of you, Tidus."

Oh, my. Did I finally say the right thing? It's only seldom I've seen him beam so widely.

"Tell my old man I'm coming."

Tidus, Tidus, if you had asked me to chain up Bahamut and bring him back to you, I'd even do that. I think I'd do just about anything for you right now. But…I guess I'll be seeing him again soon enough. This moment together is crucial, though. I'm doing the best I can to be outwardly compassionate. He…he almost feels like a son. No wonder Jecht couldn't stop talking about him. Maybe in the Farplane, I'll tell him my discovery.

Goodbye, Tidus. Turn to the others, nod in farewell, pull out my katana to rest it on my shoulder. Face Yuna (the perfect image of her father) and my ticket home. Please don't cry, Yuna. You'll see me every time you visit the Farplane. So she starts dancing again, and once more I hear that infatuating song of the pyreflies. I don't need to try to hold them in anymore, but…but I…just have…one thing left…

"This is your world now."

Don't…coming…home…want…let go…cry…song…beautiful…so beautiful…I…I…BRASKA!


	2. Lulu Thoughts

**Lulu**

It's hard to explain, but...I don't want you to leave. My feelings and thoughts are so confused; as I watch you make your round of goodbyes, I try to sort them out.

The first time I saw you, I was angry, confused. Your face…I know an outsider couldn't understand it, but there's something in it that reminds me of one long dead. Your faces don't carry _too_ much resemblance, except the deepness of your eyes…. Only someone who has stared into Chappu's eyes like I have could understand.

I argued and scoffed at Wakka countless times about you. I didn't know what to think. Your loud mouth, your clueless questions…I _knew_ you were either trying to be obnoxious or funny, and I was determined to squash that desire. So I remained calm and answered all those idiot's questions. I wouldn't, couldn't believe they were genuine.

But as those questions and clueless looks continued coming, I gradually saw you were telling the truth. I began to accept you, maybe even like you…But even as I did so, I grew more and more alarmed. You weren't going away.

Why didn't you leave before Yuna looked at you and said, 'I want you to be my guardian.'? Why couldn't you go before that spark appeared in your eyes? Then I wouldn't be weeping for you now….

I saw your determination, before I really saw anything else. When Sin attacked Kilika, when we fought off that sinspawn, when all seemed lost in Luca. Thank you…. You gave Wakka hope, before he even knew your name. Only you could make him see that winning doesn't matter all the time. He is…stronger now because of what you did for him, and the Aurochs. I nearly told Wakka that day. Nearly. 'I like you this way,' I said. That's the closest I've ever come.

I was angry with you when your inattention lost Yuna. But I forgave you, in my heart, by the end of that day, when you alarmed us all with your fake laughter. But Wakka was more worried than I. Yuna had once told me about her formula for success. I must confess, I've never actually tried it, but it seems to work for Yuna. I have a feeling I'll hear fake laughter quite often now…

You brought Sir Auron to us; though I still don't understand your connection to him, I know you were essential to his guardianship. He is…_was_…stoic, silent, filled with dark secrets…. I must say, he's rather like me. A little, perhaps.

I'm still not sure what I felt during Operation Mi'ihen. I know I didn't like all those meaningless deaths, but…something seemed to strike true in my heart, seeing desperate men and women, Yevonite and Al Bhed, standing shoulder to shoulder, casting aside all differences and desperately throwing their lives in front of Sin. I know I don't share Wakka's former loathing of the Al Bhed, but I wondered for an instant, as I stood on the cliffs of Djose…Were the Al Bhed 'bad news' after all? It was due to them and their urging that so many people died that day. Deeper than that lay my old pain that still has not gone away. A year ago, it was the Al Bhed and the very same cause that killed Chappu.

I hated Luzzu when he told me he had persuaded Chappu to become a Crusader. I slapped him across the face as hard as I could…I lost count of how many times. I didn't have you, Tidus, to hold me back. But I suddenly blinked and saw Luzzu's wretched eyes, and the red marks my hand had made across his cheek. My rage left me, and I apologized. 'You couldn't have known what would happen,' I told him. And the same goes for you, Tidus. There was no way you could know Gatta would take you at your word and get himself killed.

You were so confident you could protect Yuna, even when we discovered so many summoners were disappearing. You were so confident! You're an inspiration. You jumped right after Yuna when the Al Bhed tried to take her away, you saved her, you saved my…. You saved Wakka.

When Rikku joined the party, I knew we couldn't keep it secret for long what she was. But I do like Rikku, very much, despite our obvious differences. She _is_ fun to be with, as not many people are. She almost seems like your sister at times. The light hair, the cheery attitude…. And look at her now, as she hugs you close and cries. She is the very embodiment of what I wish I was. How can she be so cheerful, so free and so open? How can she let her sorrow flow out of her eyes, mingled with the love she has always felt…and shown? Her plaintive little voice crying, 'Yunie!' as her doom draws near, as the shadow covers our hearts. And she is brave, in her own unique way. Did you see how she strove to overcome her dread of thunder and lightning?

I heard what you said in Guadosalam; I heard every word. 'Romance can wait!' I half expected you to add, 'For a thousand years, if it's Seymour we're talking about!' I understood what you really meant, even if you denied it to yourself. I know how Yuna felt at the time as well, and I _did not_ approve. You seemed too flighty, too strange and too irresponsible. Yuna has a full heart, and she willingly gives it to anyone who asks her with a 'please'. She struggled then, not knowing whether to explain everything or to keep silent and spare us worry.

But we found out anyway; I have found that secrets, especially ones as terrible as that, have a habit of becoming known. I was appalled – though not as thoroughly as Wakka – but I was prepared to do what had to be done. You seemed almost happy to kill him; you made me chuckle in my mind.

But I never dreamed what our actions would lead to. Imprisonment, your discovery of Yuna's destiny, and the change in your eyes. You seemed more determined after you knew there was no hope, and though I don't know what you said to Yuna in Macalania Woods, I _do_ know that was what kept her going all the way to Zanarkand.

I didn't want to lose her; I never have. She is my sister. But she was giving herself up for everyone, so I thought…if she could do that, when she had so many people she loved, how could I do otherwise? I wanted to become the Final Aeon, at least until I discovered that would make me Sin. The thought still haunts me. And if you were not so insistent that there was another way, I know she would have chosen you, and you would have consented. Your bonds of love are so much tighter than mine. That has been obvious through all you've cried out in moments of crisis, how you would never give Yuna up. You have been her pillar of strength throughout this entire pilgrimage.

But Yuna…she was not destined to die after all. Miraculous though it seems, we killed Lady Yunalesca, and now no more summoners must die. And it's all because of you.

I felt for you as we fought Sin, Seymour, and Yu Yevon. I saw your father, I saw your pain…. But how strong you are! You killed him, something I am sure I could never do, were I in your place.

I didn't want to hear you, when you told us all you're going to disappear. That wasn't too long ago, but I miss our last battle together already. And there go the pyreflies, dancing about you as if you were dead. I don't understand it, but that's not what matters. What matters is…you're leaving.

Why must you go! Right when everything should be happy! We've defeated the undefeatable. I never dreamed I would live to see this happy day. So why am I crying? Yes, I'm crying, Tidus. Though you can't see any tears, my heart aches as you slowly let go of Rikku and look over at me for help. I hold out my arms to Rikku, then hug her close. I want to sob like her, to let loose all these feelings for once. But I wear a mask that forbids me to do so.

And there you are, saying goodbye to my beloved Wakka. No, I am not ashamed to say it now. Someday, someday soon, I'll tell him. You've given me the courage to do so. Won't he be surprised? You're leaving him one of the ribbons to the sword Chappu never used, to…what? 'To remember me by'? How can we forget you, Tidus? The one who's given us so much and stood by us so long can never be forgotten.

Yuna falls right through you, as though you don't exist. Why isn't she crying? You certainly are; you can never hide your tears. How I envy you.

"Thank you," she says. That's all. She speaks for all of us. I hope you see how much she loves you. It's going to be hard, without you around to make her smile. But now…I see you _do_ understand; you're not so very clueless after all. Embracing her, trying to let go…It's hard, isn't it? But you've always been strong, so you step through her and race for the edge while you still have the strength to.

At last, a tear! I wave goodbye, just a small wave, nothing compared to the shrieking girl at my side, waving her arms vigorously and nearly hitting me in the face. Another tear; I look down at my hands and see a great wet pool cupped in my palms.

Here comes Wakka; just look at the state he's in! Should I tell him? It would cheer him up…No. Not now.

I've told myself time and time again he's much too strong. Too many blitzball muscles. He's squeezing out my breath. "Lu," he sobs, resting his head on my shoulder. I can't breathe…

I hold him, and I realize it's not his embrace that's choking me. I felt this way before, but not around him…. The tears fall thick and fast now; I'm like anyone else. I can cry after all. He's taking off my mask. It peels slowly away; I hug him tighter, and I can tell what's coming. I want to push it away, but there's something lovely about it and I want it to come. Is this how Yuna felt?

I look up at Wakka's face; he's stopped crying now and looks down on me…. I never noticed how much he looks like his brother. Their faces don't carry too much resemblance, but there's something in the deepness of his eyes. He's let go of me now; everyone's wiping their eyes. Yuna, Rikku, and Kimahri go inside. Wakka's wondering why I still stand with my arms around his waist, just staring up into his eyes. I've stopped crying, I see.

But Wakka's starting to get nervous now; he's trying to pry my arms away. I understand now. He still thinks we're nothing but best friends.

"Umm…" He doesn't want to meet my gaze; he doesn't want to give in. He never has, and why should I tempt him now? Why won't my arms move? Why am I crying again?

"W-Wakka…" Is that my voice, all quivery and broken? I sound like a sentimental old fool. Get a grip, Lulu. You _do not_ want to say those words. Not now, not here, not when Rikku's watching curiously from the window. I clear my throat and take my arms away – Wakka sighs in relief – only to throw them around his neck. "I love you, Wakka!"


	3. Wakka Thoughts

**Wakka**

He's…he's gone? That's it? Man, I was thinkin' there'd be some kind of explosion or somethin'. Oh, brudda…I don't wanna say you're gone! Maybe if I just keep on thinkin' you'll be around the corner, waiting to laugh at us goofballs, maybe it won't hurt as much. Yeah, right. What are you thinkin', Wakka? My brudda's _not_ comin' home, ya? Neither of 'em! Brothers forever, but forever apart. I don't got nobody now. 'Cept Yuna and Rikku. And Lu.

Oh, if only you could see inside me, Lu! If only I wasn't so scared! I'd tell you everything, and I know you'd know what to do. I know it. But the closest I can come to you is like this, acting like we're just the best friends we always were. But it's enough, ya? At least when you're cryin' you can let me hug you.

Um…You're not letting go. Come on, Lu, everyone's going in, ya? We'll look silly standin' here like this. Rikku's grinning that smile of hers; she's watching from the window. Come on! It makes it seem like we're going to…Oh, good. No. Not good. What's gotten into you, Lu? You're acting like Yuna! Not that Yuna's bad…

….

….

….

"What?"

"I l-love you, Wakka."

Wow, I've never seen her smile like that before. Makes her look pretty, even with a runny nose, ya?

"Aren't you going to say something?" she laughs. "You act as though I'd just hit you over the head!" That laugh! Why doesn't she laugh more often?

"Well, you kinda…" Hey, you're laughin' at _me_! You already know what I'm gonna say! "Lu!" That laugh again. I hope you laugh every day. I promise I'll try to make you. Try my hardest, and this time, I won't lose.

Oh, here comes Rikku. Forgot she was lookin'. Looks like she can't decide whether to laugh or cry. "You're…you're…You just kissed him!"

"You'd better believe it, _cecdan_!" Has this finally happened? Am I really tousling Rikku's hair while Lulu beams up at me with her beautiful eyes? That same look's in 'em, just the way she used to look at Chappu! Is…this…really…happening?


	4. Rikku Thoughts

**Author's Note: I'd appreciate it if you tell me of any mistakes you find in this one. Yeah, I'm a nerd. You can just skip over this chapter if you like...**

**Rikku**

_Ugyo. Cu dra faentacd drehk ryc wicd rybbahat. _Lulu_ yht _Wakka_, drao...geccat! Uv ymm dra cdnyhkacd drehkc dryd luomt rybbah, E hajan druykrd E't caa dryd dukadran-fusyh yldiymmo _gecc Wakka!_ E sayh, cina, E ghaf cra megat rel, pid E teth'd naymewa cra megat rel _dryd_ silr. Yht cra cina belgat y cdnyhka desa du tu ed._

_Famm, syopa hud cu cdnyhka, yht hud dryd pyt. E fym lnoehk so aoac uid... _Tidus _mavd. E lyh'd pameaja ed. Ra fyc mega so pek pnudran (druikr y mud suna cahcedeja dryh dra uha E'ja ymfyoc paah cdilg fedr). Syh, E fyc cu cyt. Pid drah...frah E hudelat _Lulu_ yht _Wakka_ fanah'd pitkehk, E druikrd E'd fydlr yht caa fryd fyc ib. Yht drah drao aht ib lnoehk yht myikrehk yht _geccehk_, yht huf drao'na rymvfyo ahkykat._

_Ed'c ymm rybbahehk cu vycd, E tuh'd ghuf fryd du syga uv ed! E's cu rybbo vun dras, pid E lyh cdemm rayn _Yunie_ lnoehk haqd tuun, yht ed sygac sa cyt. _Lulu_ lneat fedr ran y ped – E cina fuimth'd ghuf fryd du tu – yht dumt dumt sa wicd du sayja ran fedr _Kimahri_ demm cra vymmc ycmaab. Draca drehkc dyga desa, cra cyet._

_Cu E kiamm E lyh'd naymmo tu yhodrehk vun ran. E's wicd moehk eh so lypeh yht cdynehk yd dra laemehk, yht fyedehk vun cusadrehk du rybbah. Fa'na kuehk pylg du _Besaid_, Vydran cyet. Cdyo drana y frema, dno du ramb _Yunie_ yc silr yc fa lyh. Yc ev fa luimt tu yhodrehk..._


	5. Kimahri Thoughts

**Kimahri**

Yes. Sleep, little Yuna. Kimahri protect. But Yuna must be strong warrior, not let tears fall. Tidus not want that. Kimahri…Kimahri miss Tidus. Foolish one, but love Yuna more than anything. And for that, Kimahri shows respect. Tidus gave up own life so that Yuna can live. A great gift, not one for tears.

Mmm. Kimahri make stone warrior of Yuna. Make Yuna smile. Maybe even make stone warrior of Tidus. _That_ make Yuna smile.

Yuna has lost so much. Mother, father, lover. She has no family but we guardians. That is enough family for Kimahri, but maybe not for Yuna. If Tidus could come back…

But Yuna is strong. Yuna must learn to stand tall when she loses those she loves. And so must Kimahri.


	6. Yuna Thoughts

**Yuna**

Well, it's come at last. The day of my speech in front of at least half of Spira. I don't really want to do it, but no summoner has ever succeeded and come back to tell the tale.

I remember when I asked _him_ if he thought I could become high summoner. It was before he even knew what that meant. Such a clueless person, as Lulu would say. I've seen the looks they give me nowadays. They're asking each other if I've recovered yet. I guess they decided I have, because Lulu and Wakka told me all about their intentions. I'm so happy for them! I'd always hoped they'd wake up and realize what they mean to each other. I can see a long and happy marriage before them, with many children trailing along behind.

I told them today, Tidus. I told them all. I gathered them together while we flew here, to Luca. I said, "Listen to me now. This may be my last chance. My last chance to say thank you…for everything.

"Kimahri…Do you remember the first day we met? I was only seven. My father had defeated Sin, and all Bevelle was celebrating. Everyone was saying what a hero my father was. I was so happy. But when night came, it occurred to me. My father had defeated Sin and now he was dead. Now, I was all alone. I couldn't sleep, so I wandered into the town, away from the celebrating crowds. I stood on the bridge in Bevelle where my father and I had parted. Standing there, alone, I could see the fields where he had fought Sin. Then you appeared, Kimahri.

"You said you were looking for the 'daughter of Braska', remember? At first, I was so scared. Until I realized what a gentle person you are. You weren't used to talking to children. When I told you that I was Braska's daughter…you said you would take me as far from Bevelle as you could. That it was the wish of a man facing death. I think…I cried then. Because that…that was when I knew my father was dead…and I would never see him again. You just held me, without saying a word. I cried after we got to Besaid, too. When you tried to go after leaving me in the care of the temple…I held onto you, crying, 'Don't go, don't go!' and you listened, Kimahri. You stayed. Kimahri, thank you. Thank you so much. And…I've always liked your broken horn.

"Wakka, Lulu: I'll never forget my days spent with you, growing up in Besaid. We always played together, us and Chappu. That's why I was always so happy, I think. And when you refused to let me become a summoner and I did it anyway…I'm sorry. I've always wanted to apologize. You know, when you tried to stop me then – really, I was happy. I could tell you really cared about me. You're my big brother and sister, and I'm so happy for you both! I love watching you play blitzball, Wakka, whether you win or lose. I even love it when you scold me, Lulu! Really!

"Rikku…I'm so happy I could get to know you, being so closely related. You're so brave and selfless, and cheerful enough to send away storm clouds! Thank you…everyone…for everything you've done. You've been the best guardians anyone's ever had. And now you're…my family."

I miss you, Tidus. I miss you so much it hurts. But if you're never going to come back…well, I'll just have to wait until I go to the Farplane too!


End file.
